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How many times have you heard phrases like “let go of the small stuff”, “live in the moment”, or “enjoy life”? They’re so overused that I suspect they’re nothing more than empty platitudes to most of us.
But yesterday, I captured the essence of all three of those phrases.
I went to visit Greta at Huntington House on Sunday morning before lunch. We didn’t do anything special or out of the ordinary. We finished a find-the-hidden-picture page (those things make me want to cry, BTW, but Greta burns through them and cheers with each one she finds); I sat with her and her roommate while they ate lunch, and Greta came to Superstore with me to pick up a few things I needed for dinner.
The crazy thing is, those were two of the best hours I’ve had in a while. I didn’t worry about the small stuff; I just let it roll off of me. I was truly present and enjoyed each interaction with her. And I enjoyed the fact that we were just doing “normal stuff” – you know, simple everyday things.
I have spent years YEARS unable to live like that with Greta. Of course, none of us spend our lives fully embracing all those mantras - in fact I think I may have an urge to kill someone who does! But I honestly don’t have many memories of those kinds of moments with Greta past about age 5 or 6. It brings tears to my eyes as I type that, but it’s true.
Mentally, I was always on high alert so I could stay focused on dealing with her behaviours. It was, frankly, a survival technique that emerged out of necessity. And, as the parent who attended and became a lay expert at all of Greta’s therapies – OT, PT, psych, and behaviour strategist weekly; and speech two to three times a week – I was encouraged to use every moment that she was calm and focused as an opportunity work on therapy strategies and develop her skills.
For me, nothing about that approach encouraged letting go of the small stuff, living in the moment, or simply enjoying life. Quite the opposite. It was all about noticing and quantifying the small stuff, anticipating Greta’s expectations and needs (to avoid a massive meltdown), and using every opportunity to work on speech, fine motor skills, swallowing, gross motor planning, and on and on.
I suppose I’m exaggerating slightly to illustrate the contrast; the different realities weren't always so starkly opposite. But there is no doubt that my relationship and interactions with Greta have changed dramatically since she has been in residential care. There are a lot of factors at play but, whatever all those factors are, I’m not going to dissect them. I’m just going to live in the moment and enjoy life with my sweet, beautiful, wonderful Greta.