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The premise is simple, really: the key to Greta’s well-being is to have calm, well-regulated caretakers surround her. When she lived at home, our family was under such duress that no one was happy or well-regulated. Moments of calm or connection in our household were few and far between.
Three years ago, as Michael and I began the process of considering placing Greta (just 12 years old at the time) in a residential program, I had to ask myself some very difficult questions. Were we physically and emotionally capable of maintaining the level of vigilance and emotional intensity it took to parent Greta? Were we already past that point? How long could we keep patching the wounds of Greta’s rage cycles and protect our other daughter?
I kept hoping that our love and each new behavioural strategy we dedicated ourselves to would stop the proverbial bleeding, but there was no evidence that real progress was happening. I felt defeated because the truth was, I just didn’t know. In that moment, out of the haze and pain of exhaustion and confusion, it became clear that it was time to try a new path. After carefully weighing all the factors for and against, and honestly assessing our own diminished emotional reserves, we made the heart-wrenching decision to place Greta in a residential program.
The relief at entrusting Greta’s care to Huntington House would take months to sink in. Michael and I felt desperate and wanted the best for Greta, while at the same time we were overwhelmed with guilt and grief wondering if we were letting her down.
We were both secretly afraid that a residential program meant we had given up on Greta — that after all our years of hard work and therapy, we were throwing in the towel and had failed as parents. I’ll be forever grateful to the friends, family and professionals who reassured us that we were good parents. And at Huntington House, the compassionate staff gave me comfort that we were doing the right thing.
In residential care, trained staff work with a robust support structure and are able to recharge without the responsibility of 24-hour care. Without this 24/7 responsibility, I’ve become more capable of modeling the calm, thoughtful behaviour Greta needs to make developmental progress and maintain a relational connection with family members.
Within a few months of moving into Huntington House, Greta’s violent rages had decreased so much that I knew, without a doubt, she was receiving the care she needed. She began to implement skills to help her regulate her emotions, and now functions on a higher level than ever before, giving us all a chance at a new, much healthier and sustainable family dynamic.